Dating Tip for Women
I absoluletly LOVE dating! -Said no one…ever
You got the degree…
You got the job…
You’re dating profile is on point…
but you’re having trouble finding that special someone.
The truth is…dating sucks right?! You look your best, put yourself out there, crossing your fingers for a wink or swipe. You breathe a sigh of relief and little success is felt once you snag that date. Confidence boosted, you put on your most flattering clothes, throw on a little makeup, get your hair did, and strut out the door. All goes as planned and you go from saying, “I went on a date” to “we are dating.” A Cinderella story in the making, until that one day. That one day comes and that person doesn’t text you back. They start not answering your phone calls. You obviously start to wonder what’s going on, but you don’t want to ask because you don’t want to look needy, “crazy” or “like that kind of person.” It goes on for a day or two while you play it cool, but inevitably you ask what’s going on. You get the normal excuses: works been busy, I have a lot going on, I had an emergency (but I’m within with full access to my phone and the internet but was still too busy to say I was busy and I’ll talk to you soon), or the worst…..the dummy. You know the dummy, the one that never knows what’s going on. The person that acts like they never know what the heck you’re talking about and you must be crazy. But, that’s a whole different blog post.
As the excuses roll in, you start talking to your friends about it. Conspiring about all the maybes that your partner has going on. “Maybe they’re just really busy.” “Maybe, their phone broke.” “Maybe aliens sucked them up in a UFO.” “Maybe their internet is down, just theirs though, not everyone elses.” You start hoping that this isn’t just another douchebag ghosting you. You get lost in that other person and forget about you. What do you need?
Do you want to be with someone that is too busy for you? Someone that wouldn’t treat you how you would treat them? It’s easy as people in the helping professions to get in relationships where people take advantage of you or you treat others better than they treat you.
When I was in my 20s, my dating life was a hot…HOT mess. After almost marrying a man whose real name I didn't know AND finding out his profession was scamming victims of Hurricane Katrina, I decided to take a dating break. Feeling shocked and asking myself 'how the hell did I end up in this mess?!?' I decided to stop dating….which unexpectedly lasted for 5 years. Society will say that's a risky decision because I was 30 at the time. I had no house, spouse, or 2.5 kids society says you should have. However, it was better than marrying anyone I had in my life up to that point.
When I started dating again at 35, I was super nervous. Really scared to attract that same type of person I dated in the past. One thing that really helped me was asking myself one question when I found myself in a situation that bothered me:
If the situation was reversed and I cared about this person like they said they cared about me, what would I do? How would I handle it?
This question was helpful because it gave me perspective on how I wanted to be treated. Asking this question also helped me attract someone who would invest in me and our relationship at a similar level that I was giving. It helped protect me from the anxiety-inducing situations and making excuses for bad behavior. I was able to focus on myself and what I needed in a partner. That’s really what dating is all about. Finding someone that is a perfect fit for you.
If this situation sounds all too familiar to you, get support. I’d love to work with you