How to tell a player from a nice guy
How to tell a player from a nice guy
“I’m trying to find out if the guy I’ve been dating is gay or just a really nice guy.”
There I was standing in dance class when I hear a nurse in the class make this statement to 2 other women. Their conversation made me laugh because I’ve been there, I’ve had the same thoughts, and I’m sure so many of you probably have as well.
As a nurse, you’re taught to leave your problems at the door, and everything is all about someone else.
Did you pee?
Eat?
Get enough sleep?
Are you drinking enough water?
We’re taught it doesn’t matter because you need to care for everyone else.
While some of that type of thinking is appropriate at work (definitely not all of it), it wreaks havoc in your personal life. No one teaches you when you need to turn off Nurselife and when you turn it back on.
Were you even aware that was possible?
The nurse goes on to say…
“Like, he’ll buy me margaritas if I had a really bad day and he remembered to ask me about my niece. He remembered her name and everything.”
Girl 1: “I get scared when guys are nice, I’m not used to it.”
Nurse: “Yea, I’m not used to someone being nice. I’m used to dating guys that aren’t nice. I told him I was going to buy some clothes for this class and he said ‘you go girl’ so I don’t how he meant that.”
Girl 2: “Maybe he’s just hoping you’ll wear the clothes for him.”
What does it say as nurses...or even as women...we don’t know how to receive it when someone is nice to us.
You hope and pray for a nice guy
you start dating a nice guy…
but then start to look for
Signs your boyfriend is gay?!?
Hi I’m Christen
I was just a tired, exhausted, burned out nurse dreading work and imaging what I could do instead of nursing. It affected me professionally AND personally!
Now I help nurses struggling or wanting to prevent the struggle using the same strategies and tools I used to create a happier, healthier life.
Get your free 5 minute visualization to decrease your stress, increase your peace, and sleep better tonight….naturally!
How to tell a player from a nice guy
I used to be guilty of this. I used to say something like “all the good guys are either married or gay.”
I assure you there are plenty of nice, respectable men out there looking for a loving, caring, beautiful woman such as yourself.
I’m going to end this blog post with 2 sections to help give you some tips on how to tell a player from a nice guy.
I also have another blog post entitled Dating Tip for Women you can check out here, where I talk about 1 question that changed my dating life and helped me start to weed out selfish, potentially narcissistic, addiction-prone partners.
Before you receive these tips on how to tell a player from a nice guy, I’d like you to consider these questions silently in your head.
Be honest with yourself for a moment...
Are you
ready to receive the perfect partner for you?
open to receiving an honest, loving, loyal, kind partner....or does that freak you out?
If the person you’re dreaming of showed up at your doorstep, would you be ready to be the partner they need?
Have you done your own work to be the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with?
If your answers aren’t what you think they should be.....it’s okay!!
It makes sense!
Alot of nurses' struggle with dating and relationships.
It’s not your fault!
I know from experience that a nice guy used to scare the shit out of me. It wasn’t because I couldn’t attract a nice guy, it was because I didn’t know what to do with them.
Think about this....
In nursing school, you’re taught it’s all about someone else. As a nurse for over 20 years, trust me when I say that every employer you’ll ever have will be saying the same thing.
You’re taught to
see problems before they start
help people heal
walk on eggshells around doctors with terrible tempers
be responsible for people’s shitty decisions
Unfortunately, the thought of saying “No” and having boundaries can make you feel incredibly guilty. It can affect your confidence and you start to feel like nothing you do is good enough.
Without guidance, these habits can carry into your personal life and you now have a recipe for...
A hot mess!
With that in mind, it only makes sense that a kind, loving partner who actually cares about you can feel weird.
It’s going against everything you’ve been taught, and what was just at school and work!
I know what it takes to transform your love life from a hot mess to being able to have a loving relationship. If you’d like support around this, let’s work together! Click the “I deserve better” button.
Nurses deserve love too 😊
How to tell a player from a nice guy
Signs he’s genuine
Signs he’s genuine
He pays attention to the small things. The stuff that may be easily overlooked
Showing up with roses, chocolates, and other grand gestures is great, but anyone can do that. If he shows interest in the little things, you’ll have peace of mind he’ll care about the big things
Here are a couple examples of this:
When my husband called me for our second date, he wanted to take me to dinner. He asked me if I had any food allergies. Seems small, but it shows how considerate he is and he wanted to make sure I enjoyed the date just as much as him.
The first time my I met my husband was at a small, costumed fundraiser for one of his favorite female roller derby teams. He introduced me to his friends, the girls on the roller derby team, made sure I had something to eat...in fact he followed me through the line to make sure I wasn’t the one who paid for it, and even lent me items to put over my clothes so I didn’t stand out as the only one not dressed up.
Other Tips
He’s
Respectful
Kind
This is not high on many lists but kindness is so important. This is a potential lifelong partner and the world can be hard. You don’t want to be stuck with someone unkind to you
Patient
Takes responsibility for mistakes
If he doesn’t ever apologize, that’s a bad sign
Reliable and consistent
I don’t have to guess or worry about if my husband is going to be there when I need him
Understanding
Pobody’s Nerfect! You don’t want someone holding grudges against you or using your shortcomings to manipulate you
Handles you saying “No” well (more on this one below)
Warning signs of a player
Warning signs of a player
Taking into consideration the examples I used of from my own life above...
My 2nd date example
What you don’t know about the day of the second date, is I had a date with another guy I’d been talking to earlier in the afternoon to meet at Jamba Juice for smoothies.
On the date with the other guy:
he lied to me about where he lived because he didn’t feel like driving too far from his apartment
He didn’t want anything but was okay if I got something for myself while he waited outside
That date was literally 15 minutes...and it was the first out I found to leave politely.
My 1st date example
The first time my husband and I met at the female roller derby fundraiser,
here’s what didn’t happen
he didn’t…
Flirt openly or interact questionably with other women
Leave me standing there alone in a group of people I didn’t know so he could go hang out with his friends for a little bit
Put me in any awkward situation
Let me walk to my car alone at night at in a bar parking lot
Leave me wondering if I was going to hear from him again
Keep secrets about where was going at midnight on a Saturday after the fundraiser (he’s a nerd, he paid for a midnight release of a card game tournament he was in)
Other Tips
Shows interest in you but won’t commit
You’re getting mixed signals and aren’t sure what you think because his actions and words don’t match
He's inconsistent
Keeps his dating profile up and active
Texts/calls a lot while out with you
Guards his phone-be wary of the late nights texts/calls
Not as affectionate toward you when other women are around
He doesn’t introduce you to his family/friends
Always has an excuse for everything
You have a bad gut feeling
He doesn’t handle you saying “No” well
Bonus!
Signs he isn’t okay with hearing “No” are:
He gets mad
You end up in a fight but aren’t sure how it happened and why you now feel guilty
You've said no before but it’s just easier if you say yes because you don’t want to go through the effort it’s going to take with him to say No
It gets thrown back in your face later
He says “No” to you out of spite or revenge to get back at you
Conclusion
I hope these tips and examples were helpful. Dating and relationships are a struggle for a lot of nurses, you aren’t alone. If you’re ready to improve your dating/relationships or enhance the quality of partners coming your way, reach out to me here.
In 5 minutes you can…
Feel balanced and at peace by turning off overthinking and 2nd guessing yourself so you can increase your confidence and feel like yourself again.
Decrease stress and anxiety by using the very same tool I did so you can finally stop tossing and turning and get some good sleep tonight….naturally!
Practice 1 secret to improving boundaries and decreasing burnout: letting go of what isn’t yours to carry so you can decrease overwhelm and protect your space.
I was just a bedside nurse, exhausted, stuck, and feeling dead inside. Dreading both home and work I dreamed of having a life that I loved. After turning that dream into reality, I now help women connect with their inner power and step into their dynamic, authentic self to create a life they love.
I made a promise to myself at 30 that each year would be better than the last…..and I’ve been able to keep that promise!